Becoming the Mother I Needed

They say pain either breaks you or builds you. I think it does both—just not all at once.

I’ve been holding space for some heavy truths lately. Not because I want to stay stuck in the past, but because healing requires honesty. And part of my story includes the kind of childhood no little girl should have to navigate.

My mother battled addiction, so she couldn’t raise me. That role fell to my grandmother……a woman who wasn’t always warm, but did her best with what she had. She passed last July. It’s complicated grieving someone who gave you structure but not softness. Still, I know this much: without her, I wouldn’t be who I am.

And just when I thought maybe there was a new chapter ahead, I learned about my father. We were supposed to meet. I was supposed to look into eyes that matched mine. But a week before that meeting, he died. That door closed before it even opened.

I believe in forgiveness, but I also believe in boundaries and for this reason I just keep to myself and my little family. I’m ever so thankful for my friends that have been adjusting these past 3/4 years as I navigate life in a way that challenged me, changed me and maybe even made me seem distant. But one thing’s for sure they never make me feel like a burden.

My heart in 4 pieces, my children, they are the center of my healing and the reason I fight every single day to do better, love harder, and be softer than what I knew. They didn’t ask to inherit my trauma BUT they will inherit my strength, my peace, and my presence.

That’s my mission now:

To be the mother I needed.

To show up, even when it’s hard.

To slay, not just in the ways the world sees, but in the quiet moments only my kids will remember.

So if you’re walking through grief, family trauma, or the loneliness of choosing peace over dysfunction, I see you.

We don’t always get the love we deserved as kids, but we can become it as adults. And that’s the real glow-up.