What Losing That Job Actually Exposed

I’ve said the “blessing in disguise” line. Out loud. On camera. In conversations, abd guess what….I’m retiring it. Not because it’s wrong… because it’s lazy. It’s what you say when you don’t feel like doing the actual work of explaining what a layoff does to a person. So let me do the actual work!!! I lost a job I’d been at after taking a much needed break during covid. A good title, really good paycheck, and amazing perks. The kind of role that looks respectable in a bio and one you would love to brag about. The kind of job you don’t leave because it LOOKS like a plan.

The day they let me go, I wasn’t devastated. I wasn’t even surprised. I was exposed. Here’s what the layoff actually did…..It took the costume off….For years I’d been telling myself I was building a career. The truth? I was renting one. I was performing stability. I was wearing a title that fit fine but never felt like mine. And the second the title got taken away, I had to look at the woman underneath it.

She was tired. She was small. She was STRESSED, she was SICK. She was waiting for permission to do the thing she’d already known she wanted to do for three years. The lie I’d been telling myself sounded reasonable. Stay a little longer. Save a little more. Wait until the kids are older. Wait until you’re certified. Wait until the timing is right.

Wait, wait, wait.

The layoff didn’t ruin my plan. It revealed I didn’t have one. I had a job. And I had a someday. And those are not the same thing as a plan. I want to be clear about something. This is not a “everything happens for a reason” post. I no longer subscribe to that and I’m not gonna start performing it for the algorithm.

What I believe is this: sometimes life makes a decision FOR you because you’ve been refusing to make it yourself. My former manager, ( not the person that fired me lol) Will the person who brought me to South Point told me ” Sometimes when things happen like this it means you’re in a path that isn’t yours or no longer for you and you should be doing something that you’re passionate about”! Here’s what nobody tells you about losing a job at 44. The hardest part isn’t the money. It’s the mirror.

You start asking real questions. Like:

*Who am I if I’m not the person with that title?*

*What was I actually building?*

*Why did I let “good enough” become the whole strategy?*

*What was I so afraid of?*

**Take this with you:**

A job is not a plan. It’s a paycheck. Treat it like one. And you are NOT a family at work… lol don’t let them fool you once you’re gone they do not care!

If a layoff feels like a relief instead of a tragedy… that’s information. Don’t ignore it. You don’t have to be grateful for the hard thing. You just have to be honest about what it showed you. The mirror is where the real work happens. The money will work itself out. The mirror is the work. I’m not gonna pretend I’ve got it figured out now. I’ve got a placeholder job keeping the lights on. I’ve got a Pilates business I’m building on the side. I’ve got four kids watching me figure it out in real time. But I’m not performing stability anymore. I’m not renting a career. And when the next layoff comes for somebody else… I hope they let it expose them too.

It’s the most honest thing that’s ever happened to me.

Xo, Meka