Real Talk Thursday: First-Gen and Full Circle… It Truly Takes a Village

A few weeks ago, I posted on Facebook about taking Elle on a college tour. Marshal Jeffries, my high school boyfriend’s dad, left a comment saying she’s just as beautiful as I am. It was such a simple, sweet comment, but it stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me how much the Jeffries family shaped my life… and how at the time I didn’t realize I had a village!

So today, let’s get real about being first-gen, and about the people who show up for us when we don’t even know how to ask.

Grandma Bunt and the college list

Grandma Bunt (Marshal’s mom) was the person who made sure I had everything I needed for college. She let me work at her home daycare that summer, and when the summer ended, she took me and my college necessities list to Sam’s Club. Then we went to Bed Bath & Beyond.

I can still see us riding in her champagne-colored car (I think it was a Toyota… you guys know I’m not a car girl). We picked out my twin sheets, my comforter, my shower caddy, and my shower shoes, and we checked off every single item on that list.

As the oldest girl and an overly independent one, I was used to figuring things out on my own. So being guided in that moment felt so good. That memory has a special place in my heart.

The family that taught me love out loud

The Jeffries family showed me what family love could look like. We didn’t say “I love you” in my house growing up. That family ALWAYS said it, and it rubbed off on me. Hugs and physical affection weren’t really in my cards growing up either.

Today, I tell my kids I love them multiple times a day, and I hug them every chance I get. That started with the Jeffries.

At Christmas, they would all gather and hand out money envelopes. I had never seen anything like it. And sure enough… there were envelopes with my name on them too. $20, $10, $5… small gifts of appreciation that rewired something in me. I learned that I could be included, that I belonged too.

How I ended up at Livingstone

When it came to college, I didn’t have anyone sit down with me and talk about school. I went to financial aid and just… applied. No roadmap.

I actually got accepted to NC A&T, but I chose Livingstone because Grandma Bunt told me I could get an AME Zion scholarship. I had been going to church with her, so that’s what I did.

Fun fact: I grew up Baptist and had never even heard of AME Zion until I moved to Winston-Salem. I had also never heard of ranch dressing until then! I saw people putting it on their fries and their Chick-fil-A sandwiches, so I tried it, and I was HOOKED. Winston-Salem gave me a lot of firsts. 😂

Move-in day

My grandmother Rena drove me to school, and some upperclassmen helped us unpack. I noticed so many parents there, cleaning their kids’ rooms and helping them get settled. For me, once the Ford Taurus station wagon was unloaded, Rena said bye… and I was just as happy to be left alone.

Then I realized parents were there for a reason. I shrugged it off. I had never had that kind of life, so it wasn’t going to start because of college.

As I type this, I wish I could go back in time and give my 18-year-old self a hug. I was guarded, and if I’m honest, I still am. But eventually I found some of my favorite people in the world. I built a family with my friends… a sisterhood I had always wanted. No envy, just love. I’m so thankful for them.

Full circle

Now here I am, walking college campuses with my own daughter. I’m the parent asking questions, and I’ll be the one helping her make that bed and hang those shower caddies. The little girl who unpacked by herself gets to be the village this time.

My prayer for Elle is that she finds her tribe, creates lifelong memories, excels, and walks across that stage. Next year, when we move her in, it’s going to be bittersweet. I hope my girls are right there with me as we get “Baby Elle” settled into college.

Because it truly takes a village… and I’m so grateful for mine, then and now.

Your turn…

Who was part of your village growing up? Is there a “Grandma Bunt” in your story? Tell me about them in the comments. Let’s give our villages their flowers.

See you Monday… XO, Meka